You can lead a horse to water, but...
Coaching youth sports can be viewed as a blessing and a curse. If you have the fortune of inheriting or selecting a very talented team then you can anticipate the games and the season going quite well, but if you have a group that is lacking a lot of skill it can be a long season. Inevitably most youth coaches will always wish they had more time or opportunities to work with their players, and as soon as you feel like you have them doing things to the best of their capabilities the season is coming to an end. I'm sure coaches at higher levels feel the same way to a degree, but in most cases they're already getting a more finished product. Youth coaches are often dealing with a very mixed bag.
Through my own experiences with my children and different teams over the years I have learned that often times the most important factor in determining a kid's skill level and ability is the time they work on things while they are away from the team. Most practices incorporate skills work or individual habits, but there is also a large portion of practices that are designed around the team. Middle school and high school basketball teams and programs have hours dedicated to skill work, but the foundation of those skills is often laid long before those kids reach that age. Same goes for baseball. When kids get into high school they will spend countless hours in the fall and winter working on their skills with coaches, but coaches will most likely cut the kids who don't have the necessary skills to make an impact on their team at the varsity level.
As a youth coach, it is important to try and force those good habits onto those kids at an early age. However, just like in education, you get so little time with them compared to their parents. You can show kids how to do things the proper way and make them try it in practice, but ultimately it is what they do outside of practice that will determine their long-term success in a given sport. If you are working with a kid on one aspect of his or her game for an hour or two in a week, but their parents are telling them to do something differently every day then you can't expect a change. Even more, if you're working with a kid on something an hour or two a week, and that is the only time they work on it then they will probably not develop the needed habits either.
So much in sports comes down to natural ability, than none of us can control. What often determines how far a kid goes in a sport is his natural ability coupled with a strong work ethic. Coaches often times show kids the right way to do things, but if they don't work at it on their own then they will get passed by those kids who do put in the work outside of practice. That is why frequently the most frustrating kids to coach at the youth levels are those who are blessed with the most ability. You can see little things that they need to improve upon or do differently, but because they are having so much success neither they or the parents want to work on making the necessary adjustments. Many times those kids get by without being pushed or putting in the extra time outside of practice. By the time they reach middle school or high school they find themselves struggling and getting passed by kids that they used to be better than.
On the flip side, I get annoyed by the youth coaches who want to tell you how great they are at making their players better. Yes, you have probably shown them how to do things and have given them similar instruction to what they will get at high school and beyond, but who is really working with these kids. Yes, it is the parents. Youth coaches should check their egos and acknowledge that often times the kids on their teams are so good and developed because of the time their parents put in with them, teaching them to do the right things, or to do the things their coach has told them to do.
I love it when parents come and ask what they should be working on at home. Most of the time I will have a reasonable answer, but I don't consider it an expert opinion by any stretch. However, as a youth coach of any sport you have to accept that the only way for your kids to truly get better is by the work they put in at home with their parents. That is often why I guess parents are the ones who get the most frustrated and disappointed at games. As a coach I can live with kids making an out if they have a quality at bat with good hitting technique. In basketball I can live with giving up a basket because the other kid was just a little bit better. Yet we parents are the ones who have worked for hours with our kids, so we are the ones most invested in their success. If they fail, then somehow as a parent we feel as if we have failed.
As time goes on in any sport, it is apparent who works on things outside of practice. It begins to become more prevalent who goes home and watches the game to pick up its little nuances, versus those who only watch the game when they are playing it. Coaches will often point out things that happen in their own games to use as a teaching or learning lesson, but the kids who really get it are those who watch at home with a parent and talk about or recognize the same mistakes without even being told. But the best kids and players are the ones who go out and do these things by themselves, without being asked or prompted. There is no better feeling than seeing my own kids working on something without me saying a word, or doing a workout to make themselves better. There is nothing a youth coach or parent can really say or do to put that drive into their kids. You just hope they see the results on the field, and it only drives them further to keep pushing towards their goals.
Youth coaches have a difficult job because it is very common to have kids with a wide range of interest in the sport they're playing. Some kids live it and breath it, while others play it because their friends are on the team. Some kids want to play in high school and beyond, while others just want to be part of a team. As a coach you're doing and showing them the same things, but the ones who watch it and work on it outside of practice get it and apply it so much quicker than those that don't. The kids who work on it and watch it with their parents are not caught thinking or struggling in a game, because the game is moving much slower for them than the other kids. While most coaches will take credit for that, it really belongs to the parents who have spent all that time with their kid.
So my humble opinion rests that in youth sports the best thing a coach can do is recognize the work that their parents put into their kid's ability to play the sport well. You're not a great coach because you inherited talented players.
Your job is to show them the best way you know how to do things the right way, and then hope they work on that at home with a supportive parent or watch it on TV to see that you're not crazy. It's not until the middle school and high school years where they are spending hours every week in organized practices. If they don't have the strong work habits and drive to get better by then, they will quickly find themselves watching from the bench or the stands.
