Letting Go

As a parent, seeing your kids grow up is one of the most rewarding and simultaneously heartbreaking experiences. We see them go from depending on us for everything and expecting us to have all of the answers, to suddenly they rely on us less and less and seek out others for help and guidance. We have spent countless hours raising them to be independent and self-sufficient, but as they venture out into the world and take those traits with them, we feel a simultaneous sense of pride and emptiness.

Coaching is not an exact parallel to parenting, but in some aspects it can feel that way. Having been around my travel baseball team since most of these kids were eight years old, I have gotten to watch them grow up as young men and baseball players. I have seen every kid that has been with me since those early days six years ago experience some of their best and worst athletic moments in their lives. I have been there to console them when they were crying or congratulate them when they did something fantastic. More importantly, I have been there like a parent to try and teach them how to handle the adversity and not let the momentary success define you.

Even though I have had most of the kids on my baseball team since they were eight years old, they came to me with a good deal of knowledge about the game and the fundamentals. Previous coaches and their parents had prepared them to play baseball at a high level. My job was to keep building that knowledge and provide them with positive experiences that would enrich their love of the game. This was a task that I invested in whole-heartedly each year. Trying to find ways to make boring indoor practices intentional and beneficial wasn't always easy. I labored over details in practices and plans to give them the best chance to find success when the games really did matter. We worked extra hard with our pitchers to develop a mentality and pitching repertoire that would make them advanced for their age. We allowed them to work and grow, and we focused on a mentality over reps.

Through all of those hours, practices, and plans, we were always building towards something. As a coach and a team we were always working to build up to our season and to be the best team we could be. The arm care, the swings, the bunt coverages, and the defensive footwork and techniques were all designed to make our team as competitive as possible, but with a bigger goal in mind. The focus of all of those practices was to give our kids the knowledge they could use to their advantage when they reached high school. The focus was to put them into the best position possible to impact their high school programs in a positive way from the moment they set foot on campus. There should not be a situation or a part of the game that they have not experienced or been coached on. That is their reward for gutting things out with me as a coach over the years, and that is my reward as a coach when I hear them talking about how things are going for them in their high school workouts and the early success they are having. However, with that reward comes a drawback.

Just as a parent has to do with their kids as they grow older, I am having to learn to let go of my players. We are no longer working and building towards our season that runs from April until August. The most important things in their daily workouts might not be the techniques and philosophies that I have tried to instill in them. They may be hearing coaches at their high school tell them to do things completely differently than we have asked for years. They may find their high school practices much easier, more frustrating, or more complex and challenging. Either way, it is my job to support them this winter with what they need individually to get better prepared for their high school seasons. It is not always easy, but it is part of letting go.

For years, the focus has always been about our schedule and philosophy. Now before we even play a game together, our kids will compete in close to 30 games with their high schools. Those are 30 opportunities where a coach could ask them to do something that goes against what we have done of preached for over half a decade. Yet, as a travel ball coach, it is important to be mindful of your role. Your players often still look up to you and trust you more than their high school coaches. After all, they have known you and played with you for years, while they have only been in their high school workouts for a few months and are still forming relationships and building trust. They have seen some bizarre things, heard some bizarre things, and some may have already grown frustrated with how some things are different or wrong in their eyes.

When I hear these things it has been really challenging for me. I know what my gut reaction is to some of those things, but I constantly reflect and ask myself, what kind of travel coach are you going to be? Are you going to be the travel ball coach that tells their players that their high school coaches don't know what they're doing? Are you going to be the travel ball coach that tells their players to ignore what their high school coaches are telling them? Are you going to be the travel ball coach that makes your players throw off mounds when they have already thrown three times that week with their high school team or are scheduled to throw a bullpen for their high school in the next day or two? Are you going to be the travel ball coach that cares more about promoting your own season while jeopardizing your players chances in their own high school season?

I know there are plenty of those coaches and programs out there. I constantly see things on Twitter where travel teams are having their pitchers max out on a mound, face live hitters, or have practices on Saturdays that put their players in direct conflict with their high school programs. I often ask myself if we shouldn't be doing the same thing. In all honesty, our travel team will face better competition on a regular basis than the kids' high school teams. Plus, we'll be the ones that do the overwhelming majority of promotion and recruiting work for our players compared to their high school coaches, so why not be selfish and have them dismiss the two months that make up their high school season? To me the answer is simple, because I care about my kids and I value their high school seasons.

Regardless of how important a high school travel coach thinks they are or how good they think their team is, they should respect the time and work that high school coaches put in with their players. You may not like or agree with everything you hear, but you should want a high school coach to compliment your players and want to send more of his players to your organization, not feel like they are working around your schedule and agenda. Some travel ball coaches probably do know more that high school coaches, especially at the sub varsity levels, but that does not entitle you to think it is your job to use your two hours a week to undermine what they are doing within their high school winter workouts. Let go and let the high school coaches work without restriction or frustration because of your travel ball program. I often wonder how many kids show up to their high school workouts on Monday's and tell coaches they can't throw or do something that the rest of the team is doing because of what they did at the travel ball practice the day before.

As a travel ball coach, I hear the stories from my own son and the other kids on my team about some of the frustrations they are experiencing in their high school workouts. It can be the blessing and the curse of playing a high level of travel baseball in their youth. While I may not agree with everything that I hear from my players, it is my job to model what I expect out of my players. I tell them to listen to their coaches and teammates, and above all to listen to and respect their coaches, just like I hope and expect them to do for me when we get together for our games in the summer. It does no good to put conflicting opinions into the mind of high school aged kid as they prepare for their high school season. When a coach or parent starts filling their player's mind with opinions of how a coach doesn't know they're doing it can undermine the entire high school team or program. As a coach you should ask yourself who are you serving? Yourself or your players?

This is what makes the process of letting go so challenging but potentially rewarding. It is difficult to hear how some coaches and programs approach the game that our kids have grown to love. However, we have asked our kids to start reflecting on their high school practices. We are challenging them to start advocating for how our travel ball workouts can make them better prepared for their high school seasons. What can we provide on Sundays that they are not getting throughout the week with their high school programs? Instead of myself dictating the practice plans and workouts, I am learning to let go and allow the players to tell me what they need, even if it is a day off. It is amazing what happens when you start to put that much trust and responsibility into your players. It pushes them to reflect and take ownership of their baseball career. Instead of looking at practices as pointless, they can start looking at practices analytically. They can view your travel ball workout as an opportunity to get what they are missing and separate themselves from their high school teammates instead of just another practice where a coach is telling them what to do without their input.

This is the first year I have shared the practice plan with my players in advance of our workouts. I listen to what they tell me they experienced during the week at their high school workouts. I know when each kid lifts with their high school program, when they throw, and how much they throw. I seek out the input of my assistants before I put the plan together. I then remind the players that they have the freedom to add something to the practice plan that suits their individual needs. It has been a slow process, but the kids are starting to understand. As a coach, letting go hasn't been easy, but it is where you get to see the most growth in the individuals. You can see which kids are intentional and focused on getting better, and which kids might be content to just go through the motions.

It is also important to remember as a high school travel coach that these kids are putting in their dues five days a week with the high level local baseball programs. The challenge is to figure out what benefit you are going to add as a travel ball coach on the sixth day. Maybe it is learning to let go and give them some time off so their bodies can recover and be fresh. What is the purpose of practicing every week for a season that technically doesn't begin for your travel team for months? Are you focused on individual work that is enhancing their ability at their high school? Or are you getting together out of the obligation that is so familiar with winter workouts from the years of youth travel ball? Are you marveling at the talent you'll have for your 30 games in the summer, or are you trying to help your players make the most out of the 30 games they'll play for their high school?

The idea that your summer ball games are more important than your kids high school games is ridiculous. There is this notion that summer ball is more important because of recruiting. If you're lucky, maybe 20 percent of the games these kids play in the summer will have college coaches circulating, but most will played in front of immediately family just like their high school games. In fact, most of their high school games will be better attended than the summer ball games.

Again, as kids get older, our role as coaches and parents changes. A good coach needs to adapt to that and let go of the familiar weekly workouts and bullpens that prepared you for your travel seasons. These kids are preparing for their high school seasons, not yours. You are NOT more important than their high school coaches and seasons. If you've done your job well, these kids have likely acquired enough travel baseball championships over the years. If you're playing at a high level in the travel baseball summer circuit, you will likely never win a championship again. However, these kids on your teams should have a great chance of winning conference and sectional championships. Let go and allow them to enjoy that pursuit, instead of grinding them into the ground in pursuit of your own selfish needs of a season that is months away. It's not easy, but watching your kids grow up never is.