Why?

The question I am asked most frequently asked from others about coaching youth sports is, "Why do you do it?" Some days, depending on my mood or a series of events, I often ask myself the same question. When I've literally spent hours out of my day that others use to relax, vacation days from work that others use for fun, or sleepless nights that others use to recover I often wonder if it is all worth it. Yet, for some reason I can't pull myself away from it. As much as I may privately say to my friends or family in my peak moments of stress that I'm ready to walk away, I know that I never will.

So let me start off by talking about some of the common misconceptions as to why I might enjoy coaching. I don't coach for personal fame or glory. I don't think I've ever lifted my hands over my head, high-fived another coach, or let out a primal scream after our team has won a game. When coaching youth sports it should be about the kids playing the game. At no point should your antics outshine those of the kids, because without the kids and their hard work there would be no glory. I don't care about trophies or plaques or medals. The real victories are seeing your kids thrive and succeed in tough situations because they are acting on instinct from things that you have helped coach and instill in them.

I don't coach to fulfill my own failed sports career. A number of coaches like to dress like their players, as if they are really trying to be part of the team and re-capture some of their youth. Some coaches want their teams and kids to have the success that they never had as an athlete, and they will push them to ridiculous measures to get some sort of personal glory from the kids.

I don't coach to fulfill my own ego, contrary to what people reading this blog may think. By and large, the youth teams with the most talent will win the majority of the games. Moreover, the youth baseball team with the supreme pitcher or pitching will win even more games. There isn't much that you can do about that. Some coaches will go out and "recruit" the best players in order to form a super team. They don't care about what kids might get cut or left out in the process; all they want is to pile up as many victories as possible the following season. If you don't like it, well then those coaches will just find somebody better than you next season. Some coaches like to profess how great they are because of how successful their team has been. Well many youth coaches can hide behind great talent.

I don't coach youth sports to make false promises. Too many youth coaches will say or do anything to get the star kid to join their team. I am a very non-confrontational person by nature, but when it comes to coaching youth sports I will always give someone an honest evaluation of how I see their kid and their long term future and projection. It may not be a popular opinion, but I will not say something I don't intend to do just to keep a kid or get a kid on my team. I am often asked by many people about playing time or where I see their kid playing. It would be very easy, and it is very common with other coaches, to tell the parent what they want to hear. Not many parents can claim that I have lied to them regarding their kid.

I don't coach youth sports to relax. I view coaching kids as an honor and a privilege. You only get one chance to do things right when it comes to kids. It's very difficult to erase bad experiences and bad habits. I put many hours or my time into trying to do things right and to the best of my capabilities. I put hours into researching and watching the sport I coach. I spend hours talking to other coaches at all levels to learn more about the sport I coach. I spend hours developing practice plans, putting schedules together, talking to and texting parents. When the team or the sport is the last thing on your mind, I am typically doing something to make myself or the team better.

I don't coach to show how much I know. In fact, as many people who know me might agree, I don't know very much. I don't try to coach other teams or tell other coaches how they should be doing things. Everybody should coach and do things the way they think is best for them. I am the first person to tell a parent or a kid that I don't know how to do something, or what is the best method to go about something. I encourage my parents to research all of their options or find a better coach who can develop a skill better than I can.

I don't coach to strengthen my relationship with my wife. Spouses are put in the worst positions because they are on a little island by themselves. Parents don't always talk to spouses because they know it will inevitably get back to the coach. Sometimes parents talk directly to spouses because they do want a message to get delivered to the coach. Spouses hear everything in the stands. They hear when people say bad things about you. The burden falls on them to just eat it or if they should share it with you. Spouses are often the person who you bounce different ideas off of. Sometimes they are asked to gauge the pulse of the team or parents. They are there to pick you up after a tough day or a tough conversation with a parent or player. They are expected to listen and engage in all of your issues related to the team, but they need to learn when their opinion is not wanted as well. My poor wife has had to endure various levels of my complaints and parent complaints for 12 straight years now.

So why do I do it? It sounds like all I'm doing is complaining and bitching about other coaches and parents. If I don't get caught up or overly wrapped up with winning, then what is the point? What keeps me coming back after giving up all of this time? Why do I deal with the literal and figurative headaches? Quite honestly, it's always a simple and easy answer, THE KIDS.

Everything I do as a coach is for the kids. In fact, I try to never use the "I" word when coaching. If I ever tell a kid, "I need you to" or "I want you to" I'll catch myself cringing. 99% of the time I try to tell kids that "we want you to" or "the team needs you to". This is part of the culture and language that I believe keeps things focused on the kids. As soon as a coach starts using "I" the majority of the time, it is pretty clear what that coach's focus is on.

I coach to give kids the best possible experience that I can provide. As kids get older, playing time becomes more limited, but the teaching and the opportunities in practice do not. I try to treat every kid the same and give them each the same amount of my time and attention in practices. I want all of my kids to feel important and that they have had an opportunity to learn and improve. I want all of my kids to feel that they are in an environment that is as good as anywhere else they will find. I don't necessarily care if I am liked, but I want my kids to WANT to play for me because I make them better and we have fun doing it.

I coach for all of the smiles along the way. There are so many times at practices or just hanging with the kids that I stop and think how lucky we all are to be together and share in this. When I see the kids forming genuine friendships, while they are competing for opportunities on the same team, that makes my heart swell with joy. I love just sitting back and watching the friendships develop among the kids on the team. I hope that years down the road the kids on my team might be in each other's wedding or get together and share stories about "the good ole' days." I coach to push kids to be the player that they want to become. I coach to see the kid that has struggled find success. I coach to see the kids embrace each other in the good times and pick each other up in the bad times. I coach to try and model what it is to be a good, honest, humble, and hard-working man to my kids.

I coach so the kids on my team are not having their love of the game ruined by some jackass. I coach so the kids on my team are shielded from the adult, behind the scenes world that is becoming more and more complicated in youth sports. I coach so my own kids and the kids on my team are on a team free of youth sports politics. I coach so kids on my own team have a fair chance to compete and show what they can do. I coach so that the kids on my team can focus on the game they love, and not the parent yelling at them from the stands. I coach so the kids on my team can learn the value of hard work, and see that things in life are earned, not just given to you because of who you know. I coach because care about more than myself and winning. I coach because I care about more than my own kid and their personal glory in athletics. I coach so I can do what I think is best for a group of kids, even if it means sacrificing personal and playing time for my own kids.

Sometimes as a coach I need to remind myself of these things more often. There are too many days when I question if it is all worth it. I wonder if the reasons why outweigh the reasons why I want to give it up. I wonder if it is worth all of the stress I put myself and my family through.

People tell me that I should take a break, but my first response to them is that the kids don't want a break. When the kids ask me if we're going to do this or do that, that's all it takes to get me to find an opportunity to try and make it happen for them. Today, as my stress level over various things hit a peak, a co-worker was asking me a lot of these "why" questions. At the end, she said, "Do you think you care too much?" I sat and thought for a second or two before giving my answer. After that quick moment, I shot a smile and said, "Yeah, but that's exactly why I do it."

I coach because I love kids and I care about giving them the best experience I can. I don't have all of the answers and will always question myself and be questioned by others. I will continue to take on the stress and responsibilities that others pretend to know and understand, while putting more of my heart into things than you can imagine. I will continue to put hours of my time into something that yields very little personal acclaim. I don't always know if what I'm doing is right or for the best, but I do know why I do it. You don't have to like how or why I do it, but I hope this helps you understand why I coach youth sports.