Don't Compliment Your Players
This past weekend my boys basketball team had already lost a tough and close game against a team that was superior physically and athletically. Our second game was against a much better all around team, but a team that we could play with. We played as well as we could possibly play the entire first half. We ran our stuff well, we took away their sets that we had talked about prior to the game, kids were defending ball screens to perfection. Quite honestly, it was the best this group had ever played in nearly three years together. Halftime rolled around and we were up by two points. I really didn't have much to say, but as a coach I felt like I had to say something. Then I spewed the worst thing ever, compliments. I told them how well they were playing and how proud I was of them. I told them that if they played the second half like the first one then I didn't care what the score was at the end of the game.
Instantly, I knew we were dead. Quickly I tried to draw up an in-bounds play that we did not defend particularly well, but they weren't locked in like they had been when they walked off the floor. I told them that if they could push the lead out to six points the other team would panic, but I knew it was over. Surely, the other team started the half on an 8-0 run. I had to call timeout and continue to try and do damage control from my stupid in game compliments. We finished the game strong, but ended up losing by four points, and I put the blame solely on myself for taking away my teams edge by complimenting them.
If you coach long enough you'll make plenty of mistakes. If you coach even longer then you'll learn to recognize when you made a mistake. If you coach long enough, and you're a really good coach, you'll learn to recognize when you're about to make a mistake and prevent it from happening. Unfortunately, there are still times when mistakes are made and you can't get them back.
The expression "knock on wood" is used quite a bit, especially among parents, teachers, and coaches. It made me look up the origin of the saying, and basically all I could find was something about pagans trying to chase away evil spirits. Well throughout my nearly 50 combined years of teaching, parenting, and coaching, I have learned that nothing makes me want to knock on wood more quickly than when I give a kid a compliment. The ultimate whammy is when I give an entire team a compliment. Almost instantly you want to knock on wood to chase the evil spirits away and keep the kid doing what they had that lead you to give the compliment in the first place.
Research has shown that giving someone a compliment stimulates the same part of the brain as when you give them cash. It's an exciting moment that makes you feel good, but ultimately it can limit your drive to work hard. I have found this to be so true when it comes to coaching and sports. When coaching I rarely give drawn out compliments to kids or the team. Whenever I make the mistake of doing so, I can almost guarantee that kid will be screwing around before the end of practice or the team will lose their edge or focus.
I'm not saying compliments are bad, but they should not be confused with encouragement. As a coach I feel it is very important to give kids encouragement as they try to learn or master something new. I feel like I spend a good portion of my spring and summer weekends offering encouragement to kids as they stand in the batter's box or on the mound. That's what coaches who love their kids do. Yet, I try to draw a very fine line between encouragement and a compliment. I always try to point out when a kid is doing something right, but I try not to dwell on it too long. If I do, it is to show them the benefits of doing it right.
Sports are often best played with an edge, and if that edge comes off then you lose a little bit of the advantage you might have. I don't always enjoy talking to opposing coaches, especially in basketball. The more I learn about a person and their team or their feelings and struggles the more I tend to let my own competitive guard down. I'm not trying to be a jerk, but I just don't like when somebody talks about how much they like our team because of this or that. It takes away my competitive fire and edge. While I am usually very calm on the surface, I want to win every game. Winning is what you're supposed to do and allows for a somewhat good night's sleep, losing is what motivates me and keeps me from my pillow. Just like with kids, I don't compliment them because it takes away their drive and their edge. They need to have confidence, and that comes from what you have taught them and told them leading up to the event, but not during the event itself.
While I try to say as little as possible during a baseball game, basketball is where this really comes to play, and where most mistakes can be made by coaches and compliments. In baseball the exchanges between coaches and players are usually very brief between innings. The ultimate battle in baseball is usually fought in the individual player's mind and abilities or between coaches when runners get on base.
It's hard to compliment your kids during a baseball game because you don't have that much time with them as an entire team during a game, basketball is entirely different. In baseball, almost everything begins and ends with the kid on the mound for both teams. Not much a coach can do to help against a kid with plus velocity, multiple pitches, and the ability to locate them. In basketball each coach gets 5 timeouts, and there are quarters and halftime. Depending on the game, a coach may have as many as 12-15 times to speak to his entire team and make adjustments and really coach. Sometimes as a coach you might not have much to say during those moments, and those are the most important times to not take away your kids edge.
What happens when you're playing against a really tough opponent and you're playing really well and the other coach calls timeout? What are you going to change? Nothing! The great coaches will anticipate and talk about what the other team is going to change, but sometimes you can be so caught off guard that you don't really know what to say other than, "Great job, keep it up." Almost as soon as those words come spilling out I want to grab them before they can reach my kids' ears. Kids hear that and they relax, their emotional bucket has been filled, so they downshift out of high gear. The great coaches find things their kids can do even better, even when they're playing at a high level.
Whenever I'm coaching basketball I'll try to anticipate when a coach might call a timeout to try and guard against giving compliments for the sake of filling time. As the end of a quarter or halftime approaches I'll often write down a few quick notes of things to discuss to keep me focused when addressing my team at halftime. Sometimes I almost want something glaring and easy to occur right before the break so I can address that with my team if we're playing really well. If we're losing then the speeches and adjustments are usually very easy to come by and to make. If we're up by a decent margin the speech is very easy because you can lay into them about not letting up and how mad you'll be if they do this or that. However, the worst moments can be when you're playing as well as you can possibly play, and all you want is to keep playing that way for the entire game.
So in the end, I try to contain my compliments that I give to kids because I usually end of regretting most of them. I am always positive and encouraging, but I always want my kids driving towards something. I am a much tougher guy to play for on the basketball court than on the baseball field. As one fellow coach said, I can sleep during baseball season, but I'm up all night during the winters. Fill your kids emotional buckets before and after the games, but try not to take away their edge during them.
