The Jack-Ass Coach

Growing up I wasn't always the best at sports, but I was certainly passionate. I was always under-sized or younger than the guys in my small-town neighborhood games. Being the oldest child, I was also the constant thinker and "do-gooder," which was not a good combination in sports given my physical side.

As I got older my passion for sports grew even bigger, even as my physical height and weight seemed to be stuck in the 7th grade for my entire high school career. I loved watching all sports, and not just the games, but the guys who coached it. I took in all the different styles across many different sports. I always gravitated to the guys who were tougher on their players as guys that I looked up to. I felt like it would have been a dream to play for guys like Bobby Knight, Gene Keady, or John Cheaney. That might have put me in the minority, but I always thought they maximize the talents of the guys they had.

When I first got into coaching, I admit that I really didn't know what I was doing or what my style was going to be. Despite admiring the fiery coaches who were part of the side-show while watching the game, I quickly realized that was not the kind of sideline coach I was going to be. Practices were tough, but games were a time be patient and focus on what needed to be done and what could be improved upon. I always admired how guys like Dean Smith and Lon Kruger could win at such a high level, but seemingly never change their emotions.

As I started finding my way in coaching basketball other coaches in the program and teachers would who come to games started jokingly calling me "Cool Cat" because of my hair and how I never made a big deal about anything. I guess to some degree that style matches my personality, but on the inside my competitive fire is always burning. I just figured that winning is what you're supposed to do, so it's not really worth getting excited over, and losing is a time for reflection on where you need to improve. I believe that if you let your emotions take control then you lose sight of the next tactical move. What some people might perceive as indifference is really just deep thought about what needs to be done next or said during or after the game to address an area of need.

Now, flash-forward to my experiences in travel baseball. When coaching basketball for schools, it is extremely rare that a coach is a pure jack-ass because they are typically a teacher or must abide by some code of conduct from the athletic director. Even more rare is running into a coach who is coaching their own son. School coaches are there to teach the game and help every player get better, but in travel baseball it seems more and more coaches are there to have a front row seat and permission slip to ride their son, umpires, or both. A good number are still there to help kids learn the game and become better, but more and more are there to win and to try and capture something that eluded them in their youth.

Social media allows parents to brag about their kids and display pictures with their kids trophies that maybe they did not capture growing up. It's easy to feel good about yourself when you post a picture of your kids with a caption about how great they did and everyone starts to "like" it. Let's be honest, your genes and hard work as their private coach do go a long way into creating those moments and successes, and I admit that I post those pictures from time to time too.

However, when I see or hear coaches berating their own kids and players, I often wonder why they're doing it. What good comes from publicly embarrassing a kid in front of both teams and their parents? Is it so you as a coach don't come off looking like you haven't taught them the right way? Is it because you need that trophy or plaque on your wall to make you feel like you're still the coach/athlete that you want everyone to see you as?

While it is agonizing to coach against those guys, it is even more difficult to not stoop to their level and get into the verbal battle that only results in two adults looking like kids. We all just saw the video that went viral of the coach going after the other team's parent with a bat. While I would NEVER condone the actions of that coach, it is becoming more and more common from other coaches and parents to antagonize and insult other players, parents, coaches, and officials. While I always admired the Knight's, Keady's, and Cheaney's of the coaching world, I can't stand seeing those kind of coaches in youth sports.

Yesterday my travel baseball team took on a team that entered the game 18-0 and is coached by one of the worst game coaches I have ever come across in all of years coaching sports. We first crossed paths nearly 4 years ago when we played them in a tournament. I listened to him and his parents scream at their players after they made an error or mistake. His entire focus was on his son who was pitching, and nobody making his son look bad. The following summer he was the head coach of an All-Star team that my son was a part of. Over the course of that weekend he never bothered to learn any kids names. He would talk down to them if they didn't get a hit or make a play constantly repeating, "C'mon guys, you're supposed to be All-Stars!" Yet, he constantly had his son out on the mound pitching, despite the fact that he was one of the few kids on the team that could not throw strikes. He took what should have been a fun experience for 10 kids and turned it into a miserable weekend and experience for everyone, except for his son who could do no wrong.

Last season he had changed organizations, but not coaching styles. As his team talent got better, his behavior only seemed to get worse. We squared off against them twice in the same BIG tournament last year. Throughout the game he was constantly yelling about the strike-zone and chirping at his players. Late in the game he used an obscure rule to get the umpires to make a call that brought in the winning run for them. The next day when we played them in the semi-finals he brought in his son to "lock-down" the game. As soon as we starting hitting the ball of his son, who was also their best pitcher, he quickly took him out of the game. Instead of doing what was best for the team, he chose to take his son out so he wouldn't have to be the one to blame for the loss. Along the way he managed to accuse us of trying to cheat and getting into it with our fans. Even more satisfying was beating him and then being congratulated by other coaches from other teams who cannot stand the man.

So back to last night. Due to odd circumstances, as we were warming up for our game which had been delayed because of rain, we found out our game had been postpone for an additional 5 hours. While he came over to inform me of the schedule change we got to talking, and of course it was all about how good his team was. He made sure to mention that we were one of their 9 losses all year last year and how they usually win about every tournament they're in very easily. He bragged about their margin of victory in some tournaments. He talked about how his son had shut down some of the best teams on the mound. Then as he was throwing soft toss to some kids on his team, he stopped to critique every one of his son's swings who was working with another coach. Again, not focusing on making everyone better, just his son.

Eventually we take the field against this guy at 10:45pm and proceed to play a great game. Yet, throughout the game he is constantly yelling at the umpires about the strike-zone. After a big strikeout he would jump up off his bucket and let out a huge yell that would make Ric Flair proud. During the game two of his players were picked off first base by our catcher. The first one resulted in him screaming at his team from across the diamond. The second one resulted in him yelling at his entire team and embarrassing one kid in front of everyone. Yet somehow nobody yelled at him and publicly humiliated him when he got a guy thrown out by 25 feet at home plate in the first inning. Nobody told him to shut his mouth when he would tell his pitcher to "bring the heat" everytime he called for them to throw a curveball.

It only took 2 innings for my assistant who had never encountered this coach before to ask what was wrong with him and if he was always like this. I could only respond with "I don't know" and "yes." Yet, despite his constant chirping at the umpires and berating of his kids, every inning as he walked to his coaches box past our dugout he would talk about how much fun this was and what a great game it was. He even proceeded to compliment us for hanging with them as he said they were usually up big on most teams by now and how this kind of game was good for his kids.

We entered the 4th inning up 1-0 and just missed a chance to add on. I knew this was going to be a tough inning as our pitcher was beginning to tire a bit and they were at the top of their lineup. The first three guys reach base and after a pitching change the coach's son comes to the plate. As the baseball god's would have it, the coaches son took a 1-1 yard for a grand slam and a 4-1 lead. The reaction from the coach was straight out of video from some classic fan and player reactions from great World Series games. This guy starts jumping up and down and yelling "Grand Slam, Grand Slam, Grand Slam, now we're going boys!" Quite honestly, he was the most excited guy in the ballpark. The kids and his own son couldn't match this guy's enthusiasm at nearly midnight.

We would hold them and get one more shot down 4-1 in the 5th where we would load the bases with one out, but fail to score. When the last batter struck out to end the game I thought he might go and create a pile out by the mound. In the handshake line he was all smiles and told us how great we did and that he looked forward to playing us again the next day. Then as he went back to his dugout he led the cheers to celebrate their number 1 seed in the bracket.

I've probably left out many details, and I give you credit if you're still actually reading this. My writing and description of the account in no way do it justice for the people who have actually seen this guy in action. My wife who watches most games and allows me to dictate most of the conversation on the rides home from games we actually get to attend to together was the one leading the conversation this night. She was asking the same questions as my assistant was an hour earlier. I really don't know what causes some guys to act like that. I really don't know how some parents could allow their kid to be coached by a guy like that. I guess winning cures a lot.

Despite some of his short-comings I do believe he is a good person at heart and a decent coach. He did rush to the mound when one of our players, my son, was struck by a line drive. His team can hit, and while a lot of that comes from individual talent and family commitment, a good coach does make his kids better. His son is immensely talented, so he can obviously teach the game behind the scenes. Much like my idols Knight, Keady, and Cheaney, he can make his kids' better at practices, but I could never bring myself to act like that in games.

In fact, the toughest thing about coaching in those games is to not stoop to his level. There were a number of times I wanted to join in the pettiness and tell the umpires to shut him up and not allow him to dictate balls and strikes. At one point he asked his catcher to move dangerously close to the batter because he said the umpire wasn't capable of calling the low strike. The kid didn't want to move and asked the umpire if he should move up, to which the umpire told the coach and the kid he shouldn't do what the coach said because it would endanger him to being hit by the bat.

The toughest lessons I've had to learn in coaching are to not worry about how others perceive you and your knowledge and passion for the game. When I was first getting into coaching, I mistook guys who were yellers as passionate and knowledgeable. I thought they were good coaches because they would do anything for their teams to win. My competitive spirit is second to none, and I fought the internal urge to not let out my emotions and "fight" for my team. The last thing I ever want for anyone to think is that I am not doing everything I can for my teams to win. Interestly along the way, I learned that by not acting in that manner I was actually helping my team.

Observing the coaches who were "passionate" I noticed that they would miss out on little details, or become fixated on one aspect of the game instead of seeing the big picture. I also observed some of their players laughing at them. I thought it was way too ironic that kids were laughing at an adult and their behavior. Then as I moved into coaching travel baseball I began coaching my own son for the first time. During those moments I became even more shocked at how some coaches would act considering their own son was a member of the team.

As I age I keep finding it harder and harder to not say anything to the jack-ass coach. I keep reminding myself to be a role-model for my players and focus on the game. I want to remind the other coach that an adult shouldn't want to win a game more than 12 year old kids. A coach shouldn't be screaming at his own players, who a few hours earlier were playing a fun game of "tips" with the exact team they were competing against on the field.

I'm not a very religious person, but I do hope that karma finds a way to get back with those jack-ass coaches. I've thought about entering the world of officiating as my kids get older to put some of those coaches and parents in their place. In the meantime, I hope and ask all youth coaches to try and be a role model for their kids. Playing sports puts all of your failures on full display in front of everyone, so any adult who needs to add insult onto a kid's mistake is a bully. Conversely, any adult who needs to celebrate their own kid's success by bragging and celebrating more than their child needs to tap into the failures of their own childhood.

The toughest thing in sports is coaching against the "jack-ass," especially in this day and age of social media. One wrong move in the heat of the moment can have you famous around the world. It is so easy to be provoked by parents and other coaches who do not know how to enjoy their kids playing a sport they enjoy properly. While I got about 5 hours of sleep thinking about the game and the other coach's actions, I couldn't help but wish and hope that somewhere down the road that head coach would suffer a big loss. And that loss I'm referring to isn't someone ending their 19-0 start, but I hope he and other coaches like him lose the right and privilege to be able to coach youth sports. In the meantime, don't mistake the "Cool Cat" for someone who isn't passionate about his team, I'm just trying to be a good role model while figuring out how to win the game.